Marcus works at a haunted house now, every single night after work. Which I hate, because Marcus is pretty much the only friend I have to hang out with other than Paul Quintana.
Today he was telling us about how there is a midget(I have no idea what the appropriate word for this is) that works at the haunted house, and she eats fire, balloons, and bugs. But she doesn’t eat spiders, because she likes spiders. Then he said “Ashley if she ate a spider it would be like you eating a golden retriever…or you eating Katherine Heigl.”
On Sunday I was waiting for my best friend Lid to join me at the pool. I set up the towels, and the snacks, and the sunscreens, and then my mom and I were standing around chatting. Ruby was on her leash, hunting rabbits in the bushes, as usual, and we weren’t paying that much attention to her. Then, I glanced down at her and she was standing there, wagging her tail, looking all pleased with herself, with a huge mouse dangling out of her mouth. I screamed, then my mom screamed, then Ruby put the mouse down on the sidewalk and went about her business. Eventually Lid showed up, and from our lawn chairs we could observe the people walking by the dead mouse on the sidewalk. I’m sorry I couldn’t clean it up!!! One little boy walked by with his tiny sister and we heard him tell her that the mouse was just sleeping. It was precious. Later Ruby got her teeth brushed, which she likes, because she’s a freak.
This is me, and the most precious girl in the world, Kristen:
I don’t have anywhere good enough for him to hang yet, so I just carry him around the house with me. He loves So You Think You Can Dance, and is relieved that this season is finally rid of tap dancing.
Kristen recently suggested that we start a support group for people whose significant others refuse to read Harry Potter.
Sean Quintana is home for a while right now. He came into my salon for a haircut. Everyone there has a secret Facebook crush on little Seany, so I thought I should tell Marcus in advance that he was coming, he responded by kind of yelling “Ashley’s brother is coming in!! Everybody put on your bronzer!”
Tonight Sean Quintana and I tried to scare our dad by throwing one of my mannequin heads over the railing, but it didn’t work.
I think that doggies are angels, in a way. Because, obviously, they aren’t people. But they know what people are feeling, and I think that dogs make people feel so loved, and really help us get through some things in life. So maybe they are a little, very important, gift from God.
And I was watching Ruby this weekend, and she pooped outside, and there is a fence post with poop bags, but it was out. So I couldn’t clean it up. I’m sorry.
Sean Quintana is also an angel among us. He sent me a package of guava juice from hawaii. Which is amazing but also kind of stressful because now I have to ration it properly to make this juice last as long as possible.
Also, recently I was having a sad, Seattle-missy, kind of day and I shampooed another angel. He was a grown man, and grown men are usually pretty awkward to talk to in the shampoo bowl, but this one figured out that I had recently moved back home, and he told me that moving back home is the hardest place to move, and to give it 12 months. Because that is the magic number.
I was recently transferred to work at the newer but smaller location of my salon. And I am the happiest girl in the world. Now instead of working across the street from a gas station, I work on the same block as cupcakes, pedicures, coffee, and….PIZZA. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT????
Also, the pedicures are the best pedicures of your life. Especially if “Anne,” is your provider. I told Anne that I didn’t believe that Anne is her real name and she told me her real name is Yummy, but Americans laugh at that for some reason.
The one bad thing about my new salon is that the old salon remodeled and we got their hand-me-down shampoo bowls with those hair traps that make me cry when I have to clean them out. My co-assistant, Marcus, literally threw up last time he cleaned them. So I don’t think that I’m going to get out of that job because I’m a lady. He’s kind of a lady too.
I am also the happiest girl in the world because So You Think You Can Dance is in full swing again. This season is weird, they brought back “All-Stars,” from other seasons, and it’s wonderful to see them again, but now there are fewer contestants to love or be grossed out by. Which is sad. But I guess fewer contestants=fewer tap dancers. So that’s something to be thankful for.
I know I haven’t “blogged” in 4-ever. I hope you don’t teach me my lesson the hard way by never reading my blog again.
This is my Uncle Eddie:
Here are some facts:
1. Eddie lives on the Big Island of Hawaii. In a tent. A tent surrounded by man-made ponds and streams.
2. Eddie grows his own coffee (among other things he grows for himself) and grinds it up with vanilla and macadamia nuts. It’s totally bomb bomb.
3. Eddie only has one leg but he still surfs and spear fishes.
4. Eddie always smells exactly the same.
Sean and Paul Quintana are currently in Hawaii with Eddie. I couldn’t go because of work, and I feel really left out. But I talked to Eddie about it on the phone and he said “Try not to worry about it too much, Ashley girl, we’ll get together soon.” He also told me, “Just always try to do the best you can, that’s what you have to do to be a good girl.” Apparently they all went spear fishing, with sharks, in the middle of the night. So that sounds like a good idea.
Oh, also, Sean graduated. And he wore some reeeeeally high pants while he did it.
I found this little horse when I was running around the park with Seany a few weeks ago. It was early in our run, so it was before I had to focus all of my attention on trying to keep up with Sean and his long football legs.
I picked up the horse and showed it to Sean, then put it in the little internal pocket of my running shorts and forgot about it. Until the next time I wore those shorts running and he was still in that pocket. I liked having him in there because it felt like I had someone rooting for me on my run. Then I forgot about him again. Until…..
Paul Quintana had been doing laundry, so maybe the horse fell out of my shorts and was in the dryer or something. I kind of don’t want to ask him about it because I kind of like the mystery.
Today was Ruby’s 3rd birthday. My mom says that she is a teenager now, and ready to have babies. I tried to see if i could bring Murphy over to spend some time with Ruby and make the cutest dog babies (puppies) ever. But Murphy was busy, and it seems awkward to plan these things out anyway. Like arranged marriage.
So my mom took Ruby to Petsmart, and she got a new duck, and got to visit with the other animals until she barked at a rat and my mom thought it best they leave. Then we had birthday dinner, which included risotto, which my mom kept calling “rosetta.”
Ruby had strawberries and cheese for her birthday cake, which she ate sitting at the table. Because one of the many weirdo things about that dog is that she loves fruit.
I feel self-conscious about how much I talk about my own hair. I have also felt self-conscious for many years about my side part, often asking people “Do my bangs look like a comb-over??” People have always said that no, my bangs do not look like a comb-over. But yesterday one of the greatest people that I work with, Jason, exclaimed, out of nowhere, “YOU HAVE TO STOP PARTING YOUR HAIR LIKE AN OLD MAN!!!” Then I showed him the balding area in my hairline that I am hiding with my side part, and also talked about my wide face, but Jason said that my side-part is “distracting in the wrong way.” Then he trimmed my hair to go into a middle-part.
When Drew was foolishly moving away from Seattle there was an O.C. themed goodbye party, for which I dressed up like Sandy Cohen. Dressing up like Sandy Cohen involved a middle-part. And this is what I feel like I look like with my new middle-part haircut.
Kaela dressed up as pregnant Teresa, and Tory was Chino Ryan.
Coincidentally, there is a client named Sandy Cohen that comes into Bang! and she was in while all of this was going on.
So…I guess comb-over and Sandy Cohen are the cards I’ve been dealt.